Mind of a Soon-To-Be-Father: What might have been - Our Beansprout

No matter what happens with Val's pregnancy, no matter how we tend to complain about her symptoms, pains and annoyances, know that Val and I are in total bliss and thankful for it all, because we should have already gone through it by now.

Our families, some of my co-workers and a very few of her friends know, but for those who don't, it was a year ago this week that Val suffered a miscarriage and we lost our little Beansprout, the nickname we gave to the little baby that was going to be due the first week of February of this year.

In April of last year Val and I decided we'd had enough time to ourselves and started trying for a baby Valfrey, and succeeded the first time off of birth control. The first positive test was Friday before Memorial Day. And the second. And the third. And the fourth. By Sunday we were pretty sure, so we very very excitedly showed the evidence to my family as we all gathered at Perkins for breakfast before everyone left town to go home.

Our parents were so thrilled, and it made us even more so, providing a third grandchild for each set. At the same time, three of her cousins were expecting as well, so it was going to be a big year for my father-in-law's side of the family.

We had the eight-week ultrasound in mid-June and the cute little picture to show everyone our little Beansprout (Val's nickname growing up was Bean, so it seemed a cute link).

A couple of weeks later, however, while we vacationed at Chickasaw State Park, Val began to get worried that something was wrong. When we returned home we went to the doctor, who performed the 12-week ultrasound a week early, and delivered the bad news. The baby's heart wasn't beating anymore.

That was just absolutely devastating. The next couple of days were horrible, even more so as we waited for the miscarriage to come naturally, which it did in the middle of the night on a Thursday night/Friday morning. The next month was depressing (you might remember that I cryptically noted on my blog a few times about how bad our late summer had been), and then Val had health problems that developed and made it difficult to try again soon.

By Christmas we started anew, yet didn't think anything would happen for awhile because we had a tough time pinpointing her cycle despite ovulation kits, ovulation temperature gage and all kinds of daily research.

As you know now, we were blessed sooner than we thought and Cooper is growing inside Val's ever-growing tummy, due November 8, and now you know why we might seem a little overly ecstatic sometimes, and despite any bemoaning, there's nothing negative about the experience and the joy of making a baby!

Baby Blues: New Official Comic of Thanks For Noticing Me?

I figure I should start latching onto baby funnies to keep around for the 3 a.m. feedings. From the week of May 19 of Baby Blues:

Jeff's Top 5: Adolescent Posters

The top 5 posters or pre-teen magazine covers taped to my walls, circa 1988 (12 going on 13):

1. Debbie Gibson - In the battle of Debbie versus that hussy tart Tiffany, ya gotta go with "I Get Lost In Your Eyes."

2. Kathy Ireland - Anytime she was in Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue made me feel prepubescently awkward.

3. Poison - I make no apologies for this. They rocked and the Monster Ballads era of hairband rock was gold!

4. Elisabeth Shue - She was so out of Danielsan's league in The Karate Kid.

5. Def Leppard - My first concert, the first time I realized that rockers get all the chicks, because those guys? Not attractive. I, of course, couldn't even master the recorder, hence my unsuccessful reign as Mayor of Geekville until I got married at age 31.

Honorable Mention: Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar) of "The Wonder Years" and Samantha (Alyssa Milano), "Who's the Boss" - Both highly successful on the all-important pre-teen male Babeocity Index.

INXS - Their video for "Meditate" with the cue cards was one of the most memorable of the 80s. Hey, everything rhymes with "ate!"

The Half-Blood Prince, or about half of it

Val and I made sure to catch a matinee of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" Wednesday afternoon, and I've got a few notes because I don't feel like writing any sort of narrative because I'm pooped and it's bedtime:

Will we see it again in the theaters? Probably not. Is that an indictment of the movie? No. We enjoyed the movie, there just wasn't much we feel needs to be seen again, no nuance to study, nothing we feel we missed.

SPOILERS BEWARE. TONS. SERIOUSLY. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE MOVIE, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

When the mood wasn't light, with Harry in la-la-land after drinking the "luck potion" or Ron under the spell of the "love potion," the movie was full of tension, waiting for the next evil deed around the corner.

Excellent choice of Jim Broadbent as Slughorn. Perfect character, a little strange, but spirited and selfish yet likable.

Most of the movie consists of letting Harry, Hermione and Ron work out their hormonal awkward teen angst among one another. The constant bickering and secrets among each other is mostly gone, and as I read the book I was thankful for it as well.

Draco had the best work of everyone, which, shocking, because I always considered him one of the weaker, cheesier actors. He does some serious brooding.

It actually feels that after two-plus hours that what was missing most was an actual plot. Suprisingly there was a lot of humor, but whatever filled the six million pages of the book that I've mostly forgotten, it's not here. For instance, where was Harry pursuing Draco all year? Early in the movie he senses that Malfoy's up to something but doesn't seem to do anything about it, just waiting for events to happen.

In the book we don't know anything about Snape's work behind-the-scenes to infiltrate the Death Eaters, so when he kills Dumbledore we spent the entire time between books six and seven debating if he's good or bad. In the movie it's clear from the start that he's only trying to keep Malfoy from getting hurt and that he's working with Dumbledore's permission. Does that help or hurt? Sure, all of the viewers know that Snape's good, but our heroic trio doesn't, so we'll spend the final two movies trying to tell them, "Snape's good! Trust him!"

Six down, two to go! Let's get with it already! I've already forgotten most of the last book as it is!

Top 10

Tonight on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, the top ten performed two group dances, five pairs and ten solos, and they probably had another half-hour to cure cancer or something.

The group dances were meaningless except to fill ten minutes with some fun, the girls getting a Bollywood number and the boys an African rhythmic mess. Girls win this round, but can you really judge them individually when they all look good? At least Nigel is able to appreciate the African style, which he credits with all the good in the world, aside from all that genocide and starvation and stuff.

Interlude: Does anyone else think that on the upcoming "More To Love" show, the guy will still end up picking the thinnest of the big girls? Anyway, back to dancing ...

KAYLA & EVAN - They start us off with a Viennese Waltz, and as usual she's amazing. He's not exactly leading man material, while she looks like Ginger Rogers.

JANETTE & ADE - It's a hip-hop number and actually has some unique and difficult moves, and hey, they made good use of his hair pick!

JEANINE & JASON - They're assigned a contemporary piece by season two contestant Travis. She spends half the time flashing her bloomers in his face, they make out with a chain and the judges give them a standing ovation, pretty much peeing in their pants out of excitement.

RANDI & KUPONO - They get a paso doble, which unfortunately for Randi is neither powerful or flowy. I actually liked her brown wig, but the judges seemd not to, and Mary called them out on a lack of chemistry and not hitting it as hard as the music, which I can't argue with.

MELISSA & BRANDON - They get a Broadway number, which really looks more like Jazz, some hippie routine from "Hair" the musical. They're both so agile and flexible, it's quite astounding.

How they rank as pairs:

1. Melissa & Brandon
2. Janette & Ade
3. Kayla & Evan
4. Jeanine & Jason
5. Randi & Kupono

Going home? Kupono and, I don't know, Kayla hasn't been getting many votes, but I still think Jeanine's forgettable, so I'll go with her.

All-Star Game 2009

Good job, America. We now have a president who looks like he's never thrown a baseball in his life and can't reach the plate (that ball was caught a good three feet in front). No doubt all of the Obamessiah's disciples will argue that he's just a "crafty southpaw."

Conspiracy alert! Roy Halladay, starting pitcher for the AL, is on the trading block. Knowing that he probably will end up in the NL on a team like the Phillies, he gives up three runs with two outs in the second inning after the AL takes an early 2-0 lead. If the NL wins the game and he's on the World Series team, they get home-field advantage. All I'm sayin' is, Halladay doesn't give up three runs with two outs.

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon looked just like he's looked all season, and in a bad way. Hit hard, get some luck with your defense (in this case, Carl Crawford caught a ball over the fence) and sneak out of there unscathed. I'm a little concerned about his ability to get three outs come playoff time.

 

The National League might as well have been made up of the Washington Nationals in the first inning. First Tim Lincecum looks like Charlie Sheen at the start of "Major League," including hitting Derek Jeter in the hand, then David Wright hesitates on a throw to first for what should have been an out, and then Albert Pujols boots a ball for an error and two runs allowed. And that's why the AL is 12-0-1 against the NL since 1996. Home-field advantage for the Red Sox in the World Series, yo!

Jeff's Top 5: Annual Kickers

A kicker is a story on the news with funny video that is usually saved for the end to provide some witty banter by the hosts and leave you smiling at the end after we've successfully scared the dickens out of you over the previous hour or half-hour. Usually it has to do with animals or kids or kids with animals.

As a news person I can generally tell what time of year it is based on kickers that we run about the same time of the calendar. Here are my favorites:

1. Water-skiing squirrel - This one happens randomly, usually from a state fair, and never fails to impress. Dogs surfing is a related video for giggles.

2. July 4th fireworks safety - Every year we try to inform people of the dangers of setting off fireworks by showing mannequins getting their heads and hands blown to smithereens, although I think it has the opposite effect sometimes.

3. Running of the Bulls - Also known as the "running of the idiots," held annually in Pamplona, Spain. "Pamplona" is a Spanish word meaning as "Help, a bull and its horns are giving me a wedgie."

4. Wife-Carrying Race - Every summer in Finland we remember that it's a country, because people carry their wives for a prize of their weight in beer.

5. Cheese chase - The English put a wheel of cheese on top of a steep hill and start it rolling. Lots of drunks run after it, falling face down and rolling on their butts noses most of the way down, much to our amusement.

Honorable Mentions:

Pumpkin-eating elephants - The pachyderms get in on the post-Halloween fun.

Tomato-throwing festival - Another one in Spain, and this one's messy.

Red Bull Flugtag - A bunch of people hopped up on energy drinks build contraptions that have no chance of flying, then push them off a platform into the water.

What is Jeff thinking?

"What is Jeff Thinking," when we take a trip through Jeff's brain as one thought leads improbably to the next, all in the span of about ten seconds of daydreaming during our nightly "Wheel of Fortune" fix, watching the Prize Puzzle round:

 

"Do people who live in Hawaii need a vacation in the Caribbean?"

 

"Where would we want to win a Prize Puzzle vacation?"

 

(Joking to Val) "Getting a trip to the Bahamas when you live in Hawaii is like winning a trip to Dollywood when you live in Knoxville."

 

"Ya know, Cooper won't ever know what it's like to go to Libertyland or Opryland."

 

"Where will I go to take him on a roller coaster?"

 

"Maybe if Dad's living in the Louisville area with my sisters by then, he can take Cooper to Six Flags Kentucky."

 

"Hey, then I can finally stop on the way at that place with all the dinosaurs."

 

"No, if we want a place with dinosaurs, we should go to the place in Pee Wee's Big Adventure with the really big dinosaurs!"

 

 

And so on and so forth. By the time I'm done, Val's already solved the puzzle.

Baby Valfrey Challenge reminder! (And a change!)

Hey folks, if you already gave me your answers to the contest, thanks a bunch.

(Note, a couple of folks are missing a category or two: Will (time of birth), Amy C (length), Aunt Lynn (craving), Aunt Bev (craving). Many others only picked boy/girl, waiting until later for the rest.

You have until the end of August to submit picks or make changes, so don't wait until too late! Those who didn't make a pick for boy or girl, you can still participate. After all, most everyone else still has zero points, too!

Now for the ...

IMPORTANT CHANGE - Since pretty much everyone has voted "yes" on the question that asks if Cooper will have hair when he's born, we're changing the question! Now, instead of just a yes or no, I need your answer to this question: What will our Mini Cooper's hair color be?

In case you need background info, I had a full head of brown hair, Val was blond for her first years, and oh yeah, don't forget Nana's contribution of red hair to our family! Or, you can stick with "no hair at all."

So if you've already submitted all of your picks, tell me what your answer to this will be!

1. Gender - 25 points for the correct answer, 0 for picking incorrectly. (9 of you were right!)

2. Date of Birth - 50 points for being spot on, 40 if off by one day, 35 for two, 30 for three, 25 for four, 20 for five, 18 for six, 16 for seven, 14 for eight, 12 for nine, 10 for ten, 8 for eleven, 6 for twelve, 4 for thirteen, 2 for fifteen.

3. Time of Birth - 50 points within an hour, 40 within two, 35 within three, 30 within four, 25 within five. 20 within six, 18 within seven, 16 within eight, 14 within nine, 12 within ten, 10 within eleven, 8 within twelve, 6 within thirteen, 4 within fourteen, 2 within fifteen.

4. Length - 50 pounds exact, 40 within 1/2 inch, 30 within 1 inch, 25 within 1.5 inches, 20 within 2 inches, 15 within 2.5, 10 within three inches, 5 within four inches, 2 within ten inches.

5. Weight - 50 points within four ounces, 40 within 8 ounces, 30 within 1 lb, 20 within 1 lb 8 oz, 15 within 2 lbs, 10 within 2 lb 8 oz, 5 within 3 lbs, 2 within 10 lbs.

6. Hair color (or no hair) - 25 points if correct, 0 if not.

7. Bonus: Strangest craving - 25 points if correct.

Jeff reviews Star Trek

I procrastinated for a few days, and then a week, and now it's been over two months and I never posted any kind of review of "Star Trek." I'm going to post all of my notes anyway, if only for future reference via the pipes and gerbils that run this interwebby thing.

THUSLY, THERE BE SPOILERS. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED:

Stand down from Red Alert.

Based on the previews, the first 33 years of my life, fulfilled with six TV series, ten movies and about 700+hours of the "Trek" franchise, was about to be ruined. Yes, if the series continues based on events in this reboot by director J.J. Abrams, we can throw out everything we knew and start over again. Abrams didn't just start from the beginning, he turned it into an alternate universe where our favorite characters exist, albeit not in the world we knew.

And I'm actually okay with it. Go figure.

I think it was tweaked in a way that will make any changes acceptable, although it's really weird with Vulcan going all Alderaan and only 10,000 Vulcans left. I would have thought more would be scattered throughout the galaxy, however, since they're the delegated "first contact" representatives. Unlike other Trek movies where they'd time travel back to fix it all, Abrams wasn't having it. The planet and six billion Vulcans aren't coming back.

What really mattered was watching it my Darling Valerie during the movie, she not being much of a Trek fan and wouldn't know a Tribble from a Nerfherder, and yet she was completely captivated and having a whale of a time watching this movie. That allowed me to let go of the inner fuddy-duddy and enjoy the movie as another in a line of entertaining movies and shows that aren't terribly important in the grand scheme of things, only a lot of fun and, sometimes, thought-provoking.

Except I wouldn't put this in the thought-provoking category, because really this "Trek" is a BING BAM GOLLY GEEZ WOWZERS kind of summer action flick to draw in the masses.

Abrams started off with the familiar beeps and whistles, a quiet theme that snuck in once in a while, and plenty of little Trek tidbits for the hardcore fans. Every character gets their signature lines and humor, Kirk even woos a sexy green alien in her underwear, we hear a reference to Admiral Archer and his beagle, and we know when we see our first Redshirt that he's doomed from the start.

Now, a few notes, some good, some bad, some overly picky:

I admit to being very concerned about Chris Pine - whom I've never seen before - based on what I saw in the previews. After the movie, with the changes in the Trek mythology, I couldn't say that Chris Pine wasn't a good Kirk, because he wasn't the Kirk we knew, who was raised by his father. This Kirk was raised by a mean stepdad and is rebellious and acts out, but eventually he settled into a likable rogue who had that familiar swagger and charm who tends to "leap without looking."

We get to see Kirk "win" the Kobayashi no-win scenario, though we didn't see him get a commendation for "original thinking." What's up with that?

Columnist James Lileks: "Of the two movies that feature a bald angry Romulan driving a spiky gargantuan spacecraft to destroy earth, it's the best." Can't disagree with that. When the best part of "Nemesis" is watching Data die and not giving a flip, it's not much of a contest. Why can't Star Trek movies provide decent villains? I wouldn't have even known the angry rogue Romulan was Eric Bana if I hadn't been told before. And he wasn't even compelling, merely a lame, vengeful captain of a giant and highly dangerous ship riddled with metal and large gaps in need of rails, poor lighting and a crew wearing leather and tattoos. Wouldn't it be more effective and undermining to have a villain who actually came from a world of color and cotton fabrics, and provide some white hat-black hat banter with the protagonists?

 I'm going to give a head nod of agreement to the decision to cast actors and actresses who, for the most part, aren't famous or known to only a few viewers. We see them instead molded in the Trek universe without thinking, "Hey, that's the guy from so-and-so." For example, it took me a few minutes to stop thinking, "How much Trek did Karl Urban watch to imitate McCoy and get all ornery and slapsticky instead of being the hunk in LOTR or Chronicles or Riddick?" Of course, now they're pigeon-holed into these Trek roles and won't be able to get much work elsewhere, but hey, it could be worse. Let's meet them: 

Young Spock - Zachary Quinto, a.k.a. Sylar from "Heroes." He has some emotional issues and gets to date Uhura, although clearly his budding bromance with Kirk will change all of that.
Uhura - Zoe Saldana. No clue what she's been in, but she's got some sass, and a million new fanboy sites dedicated to her.
Sulu - John Cho, a.k.a. Harold of the "Harold and Kumar" movies, smoking far less pot here.
Chekov - Anton Yelchin from "Charlie Bartlett," which you didn't see and may never have heard of, trying to channel his best "nuclear wessels" accent of the original Chekov.
Daddy Kirk - Chris Hemsworth, an Australian actor in a lot of movies where the toilet flushes counter-clockwise.
Mommy Kirk - Jennifer Morrison of "House." The entire first ten minute sequence full of stuff all blowed-up and baby-daddy-mommy drama, I kept trying to figure out where I knew her from. And then she never came back.

And there were a few actors whom you should know by now pretty well:

Scotty - Simon Pegg of "Shaun of the Dead," pulling out the one-liners but not giving much of a glimpse into the genius our favorite Scottish engineer.
Spock's Earth Mom - Winona Ryder. I didn't even know it was her until Val said something later. My defense is that I wasn't looking for her to be a recognizable actress and her voice didn't ring a bell, either. Sometimes my powers of observation are lacking. Or it meant that I was enjoying the movie and not letting my mind wander.
Captain Christopher Pike - Bruce Greenwood, a first class "That Guy" in half the bad movies made the last 30 years.

Leonard Nimoy is the only original castmember to make an appearance, and it's not just an insignificant five second hello-goodbye, either. His furled eyebrows come back for a full half-hour of exposition to explain why we must unlearn what we have learned.

My theory as to why it doesn't have to be extremely awkward and odd that Starfleet would let new graduates run their biggest, newest, most brightly-lit ships: I think they're treating the just-graduated cadets as if they're from officer school, not the plebes who get killed quickly in engineering or cleaning toilets wondering "what the heck's going on out there with those stupid aliens." Think of it like in the English Navy days, the officers were young but because they were schooled as officers (mostly because they have rich parents, admittedly) and apprentice by the arm of the captain. "Master and Commander" would be my best example for that, I guess. Although I don't know if any Trek cadet would flush themselves out of an airlock to change their luck if the ship was adrift in space.

The scene on Hoth, er, the snowy moon, and the random MOUSs (monsters of unusual size), was too much like it was made to sell the video game later. It was action just for the sake of having action.

During the space battles I liked the wide shots of the action. Gives us a chance to catch our breath and see the enormity of space and the little ships going at each other. In a few words, the action is flashy, bright, quickly edited and there are gadgets galore.

Alas, I guess the Next Generation days are over, meaning that my chances of getting a Q-centric movie are gone as well. I really thought if they had incorporated Q into one of those films it had to be better than the crap plot that was, say, "Insurrection."

I would hope that we see the Klingons in the next one, especially since they were supposedly cut from this one, and they play such a major factor in the series and are the chief enemies in this timeframe. How can Abrams and his crew tweak them to make Klingons even cooler? We shall find out!

Another possible Klingon tie-in, could we get to see Worf's ancestors? Would Michael Dorn make an appearance as one of his grandfathers?

Notes on a Saturday evening

- How do you know it's way, way too hot at 9 a.m.? When you work in the yard for only two hours, and you drink four bottles of water and still don't have to go to the bathroom. Welcome to Memphis in July! (Found just one ball in the backyard this morning, but there was a Pinnacle sitting in the side yard of our front when we came home from lunch. Dude, that's a serious duck hook.)

- Darn you, Chris Connelly, for your "My Wish" features on SportsCenter this month! Oh sure, the kids are so sweet, the stories tingly, but must I sniffle like a baby every time?! And using the Rascal Flatts song? Well played, Connelly.

- When Toll House cookies were recalled due an E.Coli scare and Val and I decided to avoid a near-death experience on general principle, we switched over to Pillsbury to get our cookie fix. We like the kind that come in squares and only need to be pried apart and baked, because we're lazy and when we want cookies, we want them NOW. It turns out, the Pillsbury ones are easier to break apart and they taste just as good as Toll House, so no, we probably won't be going back. Of course, it turns out that Toll House may not have even been reponsible for the scare. Oops. Stinks for them!

- Val and my Dad have extolled the virtues of the movie Parenthood for years, so last night when it was on WGN I finally decided now was as good a time as any to find out the joys of being a parent. I figured it would be a final transiton getting over Marriedhood, when you snuggle on the couch all night eating cookies and sleeping until noon on Saturday, and Singlehood, which is when you sit on the computer in your pajamas at 7 o'clock on a Friday night with nowhere to go and shop for Star Wars figures on eBay.

Anyway, being a parent doesn't seem so bad based on the movie. However, Adulthood blows. Ye gads, I didn't expect all that drama. It felt like Love Actually, which is another good movie that I wouldn't want to watch more than once a year, also about different people whose lives are intertwined, all of whom seem to think that life isn't worth living unless you're constantly under pressure. Unless you are a naked movie stand-in. Those two seemed pretty happy.

- Following the brouhaha over my mysteriously cracked Tilt last fall in which AT&T essentialy told me, "sucks to be you," I finally bought a new cell phone, a Samsung Propel. The Propel doesn't have a touch screen, though it does have a slide-out QWERTY keyboard, uses a storage card to listen to music and hold tons of photos, and as you can see from the pictures I posted earlier Saturday, the camera is pretty awesome.

The only problem I've noticed so far is that even though I always set it to locked, somehow my butt keeps calling Val, especially at 3 a.m. when I'm at work. Those commercials aren't as funny to her when she's trying to sleep and Cooper keeps waking her up doing aerobics on her bladder.

On the Road

Friday we went down to Hernando for part of the Good Morning Memphis "On the Road" summer series, so I took a few snapshots of the setup and fun with my new cellphone:

Papi!

You might remember that one month ago I was ready to sacrifice chickens in order to help David Ortiz regain his home run stroke, and had all but given up on Big Papi.

As usual, I'm an idiot. Thursday night he hit his 300th career dinger, and since June 6 has hit 10 four-base knocks, raised his average from .196 to .224 and hit safely in pretty much every game to make me look like I don't have any faith in the most beloved Sox this decade.

Now, let's talk about how the bullpen has blown four of the last ten games, including last night against the frakin' Royals(?!) and now we're tied with the Dang Yanks atop the AL East?

Nigel's special dispensation for Phillip

I admit to being surprised that Phillip was cut tonight on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO A RUSSIAN FOLK DANCE, but not at all surprised that the show would decide to make the tour a top 12 to fit in Phillip. Caitlin, an easy choice to go for the women, is very lucky that she gets to make the tour just because they'd need another female on the tour.

I think it goes without saying that if Kupono had made the bottom three (and wasn't that a surprise, that he and Kayla were safe while Melissa/Ade weren't?) then he would have been eliminated instead, and the show wouldn't have brought him back for the tour.

Nigel even admitted before the bottom three pairs were announced that the judges (meaning: him) have already made up their minds on who should go and who should stay and whom they want to make the top 10, so why even bother with solos and a bottom three and let the judges kick off their least favorites every week?

Also, I was going to give Phillip extra points for using the diva's uber-cool song from The Fifth Element for his solo, except that the crowd was cheering so loudly that I couldn't hear it!

In other news, this is a hilarious story about indifferent airlines and how to make them pay:

Anyone who's lost a bag or had their stuff damaged by an airline knows the frustration -- you spend hours on the phone, often with a call center in India, and feel like you're getting nowhere.

Such was the plight of Dave Carroll, a Canadian musician who says United Airlines baggage handlers smashed his favorite Taylor guitar as he changed planes at O'Hare. As Carroll and the rest of the band sat on the plane, another passenger saw the baggage handlers tossing guitars to one another and shouted, "My God, they're throwing guitars out there!"

Carroll said the base of his guitar was smashed. He tried to reason with United for months to get them to pay the $1,200 repair cost -- but he got the run-around, and ultimately they wouldn't. So, Carroll did what he does best. He wrote a song about it, "United Breaks Guitars."

Russian folk dancing not a good fit for a popper

At 4:05 a.m. & 6 seconds yesterday, the time & date was 04:05:06, 07/08/09.

Which reminds me of the time I was walking to the bus stop on October 9, 1987, looking down at my watch to mark the time at 6:54 a.m. and 32 seconds on 10/9/87.

Oh how I love such useless information. Which brings me to the top 12 of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE.

The first thing I noticed: Mary's hair flowing over that ruffling shirt made her look like the MGM lion.

The six guys and six gals had two dances on Wednesday, some nailing both, some getting mixed reviews. In the end Val and I could only come up with two couples who should be safe and four who should have some measure of concern.

MELISSA & ADE - This has to be the most surprising couple to be such a fan favorite and be so perfect together, between his strength and her ballet lines. Their disco looked great, both hitting all the recognizable disco poses. Next time around, their waltz was elegant as expected after they made a classical ballet look easy last week.

KAYLA & KUPONO - They opened with a Mia Michaels contemporary routine, and I "got it" this time. She was desperate in her fight, he was so strong and calm in his malevolence, it was a powerful piece. Surprisingly, the judges praise them, yet they don't spend five minutes genuflecting to Mia. They will pay for their crime! Their second dance was a Broadway number, and less successful. It was just fine in technique and entertainment, but the judges point out that there was nothing to feel. Guest judge Tice says not to fault the choreography, then does just that in pointing out that the dancers didn't "use the space" or get down on the floor.

CAITLIN & JASON - Started with a foxtrot that was classy, though Val noted a lack of content, and finished with a lyrical jazz routine by Mandi Moore that was quite lyrical, indeed, and romantic, and as Mary said, effortless in the lifts and intertwined movement. The judges are full of "howevers," which may put them in the bottom three.

JEANINE & PHILLIP - Oh dear. I take back all of the conspiracy theories about Phillip getting hip-hop every week to keep him around. This week the show threw him face first into a Russian folk dance, and then a jive. The second one went pretty well. The first? Oh my. Last year when Joshua and Twitch did a Russian dance it nearly killed them, it was so full of content. Obviously the choreographer was worried about that, because much of this one was slowed down to the hokey pokey folksy, and that was actually the awkward stuff. The judges wince and don't criticize either dancer, instead Nigel says that the show should be faulted for making them try it in the first place. Still, I'm betting that most of the others could have pulled it off, like Melissa and Ade or Janette and Brandon, for instance. In the jive, Mary puts her - not him - on the Hot Tamale Train, even though Jeanine reminds me of the big sister in "Dirty Dancing."

RANDI & EVAN - Not a great week for my favorite couple. Their opening hip-hop wasn't too bad, and thankfully wasn't anything ghetto. He really shouldn't have tried any lifts, because few looked comfortable. Second time up they had to do a samba, and even though it kind of made me want to shake my hips, Evan was not doing so with his own. Nigel notes a lack of hotness, and they seemed kind of restrained, although Mary credited Randi with more than we thought she deserved with a ticket on the Hot Tamale Train.

JANETTE & BRANDON - I feel bad that we kind of forgot about them during the show, and yet they had two of the best dances of the night. Well, so say the judges, at least, because their Argentine Tango received a standing ovation from them. I don't get that dance. Lots of flicks and lifts, but not exciting. Mary awards them front row seats on the Hot Tamale Train, and I'm starting to wonder if she's off the tracks tonight. Second time around they do a Wade jazz routine, and it's a great way to end the night. A little weird, yet cool, spirited, Val says it's "kooky" in a good way, reminding her of something from the early 60s, an Austin Powers or Batman kind of style. That works for me as an explanation as any other!

Who should be safe: Melissa/Ade and Janette/Brandon. All others? None are safe. Who would I not miss if they exited? Jeanine, Phillip or Kupono, maybe Caitlin.

Scatological humor

I did not know this: The currency in Costa Rica is called the "colon."

Which would explain why they've never used the phrase "put your money where your mouth is."

NOMAH!!!!

Good call, Sox fans, giving No-mah! a standing ovation for over a minute in Garciaparra's first visit to Fenway since he was traded in 2004.

It would have been better if we'd won the game, but hey, why be choosy, am I right?

It's only fitting that fans would clap and cheer for him, a much-beloved Sox for a good eight years (I still have my No. 5 jersey), He was Rookie Of The Year in the AL in '97, second in MVP voting in '98, named to five All-Star teams in a Boston uniform and led the AL in batting twice.

I still stand by my belief that in the summer of '04 he was pouting and in need of fresh air elsewhere, so the trade was necessary for both sides. Clearly Nomar had hit his acme and was heading downhill, oft-injured and in the five year since he left he's had only one decent year (2006 for the Dodgers, hitting .303 with 20 homers and 93 RBIs).

For the time he spent guarding the left-side of the infield at Fenway, I would rate Nomar as the second-best shortstop in Boston history, behind only Hall of Famer Joe Cronin, ahead of popular Boston All-Stars Rico Petrocelli and Rick Burleson.

Sucked in

We weren't going to do it. Val and I were going to stay away from this summer's BACHELORETTE. Did we really need to watch Jillian - who finished third in the Molly/Melissa/Jason drama triangle in the spring - choose someone to eventually break up with among 30 guys whom I probably wouldn't want to talk to on the subway, let alone be guy pals?

And then, well, let's just say that when a comment by a guy like this: "I'm Here to Suck on Some Toes and Meet Some Jillian," isn't even the greatest quote and craziest subplot of the show, then there's some fun stuff to watch week-to-week.

No, Tanner B.'s foot fetish is nothing compared to Supreme Reality Jerk Wes, who admits to the other guys and to the audience that he's only there for his country music career and, oh yeah, he has a girlfriend. And yet even when one of the dumped guys flies to Austin to tell her, she still keeps Wes around another week! Gosh, Jillian, I can't believe you've been single all this time.

Unfortunately, falling for a "bad boy" who can play country music only goes so far. and this week she let Wes go. Too bad, I was hoping she'd pick him in the end and we'd have an even better After The Show than last year's dumping of Melissa by Jason.

On his way out, Wes told the other guys that he'd be going home "to have sex," claims to be the "first guy with a girlfriend to make the final four," said he could "stop acting now," said the other guys couldn't get any tail in Austin if they tried and then cursed at the limo driver for making him spill his alcoholic beverage.

You'd think it would be hard work to be this much of a tool, but Wes pulls it off pretty seamlessly. And for the audience, awesomely to watch. If he wasn't real he'd be created as a villain in a cheesy 80s movie.

Next week, we have the whole "does one of the guys have trouble getting his little man to participate on the fantasy date" tease, so yeah, we've got nothing better to watch on Monday nights.

Hey now, you're an All-Star!

The Red Sox will be well represented July 14 up the road in St. Louis for the MLB All-Star game. Six of Fenway's finest were named this weekend to the American League squad, including 17-year veteran Tim Wakefield for the first time, during a season in which he set the Sox record for most starts by a pitcher (passing Cheaty McRocketroid).

Dang Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira beat out Kevin Youkilis at first base as a starter, but Youkilis made the game as a reserve. 2008 MVP Dustin Pedroia edged Ian Kinsler for the spot at second base in a close vote. New American citizen Jason Bay, leading the AL in RBIs, will start in the outfield. Jonathan Papelbon and Josh Beckett made the game as well as reserves.

Having just passed last week Bob Stanley for most saves by a Red Sox reliever, Papelbon (20 saves, 1.75 ERA) will be making his fourth All-Star appearance in four years with the Red Sox, while Beckett will be making his second All-Star appearance since coming to Boston. Pedroia and Youkilis both made the team last season.

Bats in your belfry? Blast 'em!

From Memphis Memories, July 5, 1884:

More than 1,000 flying bats, the gift of the Leroy Shot & Lead Co., have been received at Cockrell's shooting grounds where they will be used as targets to test the marksmen of the city.

This seems to be a blatant violation of the "What goes up must come down" theory of gravity. What could go wrong?

You don't look a day over 232 years old, America!